Jimmy's life story could be a movie all on its own. My Grandma (Mary Snyder) and Grandpa (Charles "Mac" Snyder) found this little chihuahua/Boston terrier mix in a Mervyn's parking lot back in 1995 or 1996. I quickly took a shine to him as a little boy. We had Lucy at the time, and it was a weird yet amazing feeling to go visit Grandma Snyder and play with Jimmy.
After I got back home I'd realize that Lucy was a lot bigger than I remember in comparison to Jimmy. But Grandma Snyder had one fatal flaw that frustrated me. Jimmy ate ice cream. She was a very doting owner and always wanted to treat the dogs like a member of the family and couldn't say no to the dog. Any time he visited us he'd lose a little weight but it wouldn't last.
The dog SNORTED. Like a pig. And a lot. Eventually in fall 2006 when Grandpa Snyder moved in with my mom, we took Jimmy in some time later. He got healthier without the ice cream and would be the last of my childhood pets to die, living until the summer of 2010.
Have a great day and don't forget to piss off your stupid mom. Eat unwashed fruit and unskinned kiwi fruits because Ginny "Thinkerbell/Boomer Cxnt" Snyder is a clueless hick, fwiw.
Monday, March 7, 2016
Saturday, February 27, 2016
BLOODY KIWI FUZZ
My mom has always had weird paranoia about food. Twice in the summer of 2006, this was blatant for me.
I ate some unwashed strawberries and as always, Virginia "Boomer Cxnt/Thinkerbell" Snyder reacted as if I had just killed her son. I talked to my late friend Addie "NinjaKitten" Etter and she told me it was fine.
And then another time I ate an unskinned kiwi fruit, and old Boomer Cxnt acted like I had just raped Crystal with a shotgun.
Good night and good luck you asswipes!
I ate some unwashed strawberries and as always, Virginia "Boomer Cxnt/Thinkerbell" Snyder reacted as if I had just killed her son. I talked to my late friend Addie "NinjaKitten" Etter and she told me it was fine.
And then another time I ate an unskinned kiwi fruit, and old Boomer Cxnt acted like I had just raped Crystal with a shotgun.
Good night and good luck you asswipes!
Tuesday, February 23, 2016
Fibar the pregnant guinea pig
When I was about five, we got a guinea pig for a pet. We named it "Fibar" after these high-fiber candy bars that I enjoyed eating for some reason.
It turned out Fibar was pregnant! I believe she had four babies. I remember three names. Messy, Bessy, and Jesse. They would get pneumonia and Jesse wouldn't make it. Messy and Bessy would live.
Messy drank a lot and Bessy ate a lot. Bessy lived a year longer than Messy, Eat more. Sure she/he only lived four years but Messy only lived three.
It turned out Fibar was pregnant! I believe she had four babies. I remember three names. Messy, Bessy, and Jesse. They would get pneumonia and Jesse wouldn't make it. Messy and Bessy would live.
Messy drank a lot and Bessy ate a lot. Bessy lived a year longer than Messy, Eat more. Sure she/he only lived four years but Messy only lived three.
Monday, February 22, 2016
White Cat (Bitey/Meow/Kittybits/Pearl)
Bitey was a cat of many names and many personalities. He was much like White 99 and I believe the spirit of White 99 lived on in Bitey. Born perhaps in 1991, this cat could be retroactively named White 101. You know Highway 101. Much more efficient than 99!
He was rather psychotic sometimes. At first he'd be very loving and purring and then he'd get upset and start trying to get his two claws and a rend. But it was a gentle correction, not an attack. He was a very beautiful cat when I first lived with him in 1995 but his hair began to fall out. I'd pet him in that spot and he'd gently get his harmless two claws and a bite on me, correcting my behavior. But it was a game.
He was a good cat but cursed too. He'd die in 2005 I believe as he began to start spraying and sneezing. He was Danielle's cat more than mine. And that's my stepsister Danielle, not my celebrity lover Danielle Panabaker.
He was rather psychotic sometimes. At first he'd be very loving and purring and then he'd get upset and start trying to get his two claws and a rend. But it was a gentle correction, not an attack. He was a very beautiful cat when I first lived with him in 1995 but his hair began to fall out. I'd pet him in that spot and he'd gently get his harmless two claws and a bite on me, correcting my behavior. But it was a game.
He was a good cat but cursed too. He'd die in 2005 I believe as he began to start spraying and sneezing. He was Danielle's cat more than mine. And that's my stepsister Danielle, not my celebrity lover Danielle Panabaker.
Smokey (Wolf/Beast)
Growing up I always called Smokey "Wolf" or "The Beast" or "Wolfenstein" or other names like that. But in reality, he was a rather submissive dog and not the beast I imagined him to be. Smokey and Lucy grew up together in their early years, but a fight broke up where he ripped her ear and she lived permanently at my mom's house while he'd remain at my dad's.
He was younger than Lucy, born sometime in January or February 1994. When they first met and played together as puppies, she was slightly bigger than him but he'd quickly grow to be more than twice her size and then grow bigger than Magic the Labrador. He was a mutt, I think Border Collie/German shepherd. He was black all over except white on the bottom.
He learned different tricks than Lucy, more manly tricks. They both could sit/stay/come, but Smokey never made noises like "hello". His favorite trick was shaking. He always offered to shake my hand. He barked a lot but he was rarely violent. He did rip off a shirt once but with me he only licked me a lot and shook my hand.
One time when I was in 6th grade though, I decided I was big enough to walk this 80 pound beast. I was wrong. He found something interesting and my scrawny body wasn't strong enough to stop him. I fell over as he escaped. I had a dream that week that actually became a reality. I dreamed that I was a small personal aircraft crashing into power lines as my body ached. And then a California Condor (perhaps named Conor Gillaspie?) landed on top of the downed power lines. This was in 1996 or maybe 1997.
13 years later, this would actually happen. Plane crashes into power lines 2010
He lived a short life, only to age 12 I believe. The most memorable moment is when Attila finally sniffed him after being afraid of him for years. He responded by licking Attila.
He was younger than Lucy, born sometime in January or February 1994. When they first met and played together as puppies, she was slightly bigger than him but he'd quickly grow to be more than twice her size and then grow bigger than Magic the Labrador. He was a mutt, I think Border Collie/German shepherd. He was black all over except white on the bottom.
He learned different tricks than Lucy, more manly tricks. They both could sit/stay/come, but Smokey never made noises like "hello". His favorite trick was shaking. He always offered to shake my hand. He barked a lot but he was rarely violent. He did rip off a shirt once but with me he only licked me a lot and shook my hand.
One time when I was in 6th grade though, I decided I was big enough to walk this 80 pound beast. I was wrong. He found something interesting and my scrawny body wasn't strong enough to stop him. I fell over as he escaped. I had a dream that week that actually became a reality. I dreamed that I was a small personal aircraft crashing into power lines as my body ached. And then a California Condor (perhaps named Conor Gillaspie?) landed on top of the downed power lines. This was in 1996 or maybe 1997.
13 years later, this would actually happen. Plane crashes into power lines 2010
He lived a short life, only to age 12 I believe. The most memorable moment is when Attila finally sniffed him after being afraid of him for years. He responded by licking Attila.
Lucy Lucy Lucy
Everyone remembers Lucy. Lucy was a mottled pup with a cute face and awkward stubby legs. A mix of a Corgi and Australian Shepherd. My mom used to say that "nature didn't intend that dog" but I think she was an early "designer dog" not some mutt found in the street. I think two dog enthusiasts had a Corgi and an Australian Shepherd and bred them.
We got Lucy in the pound when she was about eight months old. She was already housebroken and the reason her owner left her there was because they were moving to an apartment that didn't accept dogs. Lucy was the dog that made me into a dog enthusiast. When I was 11 or 12 I signed up for some magazine called "Santa Clara Dog" and bought books like the "Dog IQ test".
Lucy was a very smart dog, sometimes a little too smart. Over the years, she learned different tricks. Some of them were ones my mom taught her, like sit, stay, come, and "say hello". But others were ones she learned as she tried to trick us herself.
One of the funniest tricks she pulled was shivering. One day in winter she was cold and shivering and my mom let her in. She learned that shivering meant she'd be let inside. So when it was hot in summer and Lucy was shivering, we learned that she remembered shivering let her in before.
I loved to play "Sneak" with Lucy, even though she won 98% of the time. I would try to creep through the backyard and catch her napping, but she'd almost always run up to greet me first. I think she lost a few times. Sometimes she'd jump up in shock and then be happy to see me... only once did I ever surprise her enough to get her to bark.
Lucy was a dog that lived a very long life. 10/14/93 (my guesss) to 6/29/09. Nearly sixteen years.
Lucy's death journal
She was a good dog, even though she often smelled. She had the bark of a dog twice her size.
We got Lucy in the pound when she was about eight months old. She was already housebroken and the reason her owner left her there was because they were moving to an apartment that didn't accept dogs. Lucy was the dog that made me into a dog enthusiast. When I was 11 or 12 I signed up for some magazine called "Santa Clara Dog" and bought books like the "Dog IQ test".
Lucy was a very smart dog, sometimes a little too smart. Over the years, she learned different tricks. Some of them were ones my mom taught her, like sit, stay, come, and "say hello". But others were ones she learned as she tried to trick us herself.
One of the funniest tricks she pulled was shivering. One day in winter she was cold and shivering and my mom let her in. She learned that shivering meant she'd be let inside. So when it was hot in summer and Lucy was shivering, we learned that she remembered shivering let her in before.
I loved to play "Sneak" with Lucy, even though she won 98% of the time. I would try to creep through the backyard and catch her napping, but she'd almost always run up to greet me first. I think she lost a few times. Sometimes she'd jump up in shock and then be happy to see me... only once did I ever surprise her enough to get her to bark.
Lucy was a dog that lived a very long life. 10/14/93 (my guesss) to 6/29/09. Nearly sixteen years.
Lucy's death journal
She was a good dog, even though she often smelled. She had the bark of a dog twice her size.
The Magic Dog
Magic was a dog with a nose for food. I first met Magic when I was seven years old. Upon hearing that her name was Magic, I pet her and declared, "I wish for Sim City!" (I didn't say the SNES one but that's what I meant).
And on my 8th birthday I would get Sim City.
Magic lived a long dog life for a purebred, from June 1988 to sometime in the summer of 2002. She's most famous for forgetting how to bark and getting her head stuck in a box of dog treats.
I now know why Magic stopped barking. It's all because of Magic the Golden Retriever, the mascot for Old Navy. Magic turned into a Navy Seal because of that dog on TV. And my imaginary internet girlfriend HaroldtheBat used to be in the Navy and also used to work at Old Navy. I miss her. Maybe she internet looks me up sometimes. I do read her comments on the Salt Lake Tribune, she's the only Disqus person I ever followed.
And on my 8th birthday I would get Sim City.
Magic lived a long dog life for a purebred, from June 1988 to sometime in the summer of 2002. She's most famous for forgetting how to bark and getting her head stuck in a box of dog treats.
I now know why Magic stopped barking. It's all because of Magic the Golden Retriever, the mascot for Old Navy. Magic turned into a Navy Seal because of that dog on TV. And my imaginary internet girlfriend HaroldtheBat used to be in the Navy and also used to work at Old Navy. I miss her. Maybe she internet looks me up sometimes. I do read her comments on the Salt Lake Tribune, she's the only Disqus person I ever followed.
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